Sunday, December 15, 2013

Once upon a time

Hi there


Firstly, here i am sitting on my bed writing alone with the sound of my fan and my phone beside me with my mum's power bank. I have so many stories to tell each and everyone of you.

I didn't go to Big Bad Wolf, i missed it because i don't have any transportation to go there, although it did have a train or we called it KTM but its very dangerous and for sure my mum won't let me go. I missed the sale there, the great books, the environment i think, yep.

But, i did go out with my best friend, syiqin, she's accompany me to watched The Hobbit at the cinema. It was great, the movie was great, the Starbucks that we had was great well lets just say it was a great day. I had fun!

I don't know where to start actually but here it goes.

Sometimes, i just kept on asking myself "what's wrong?" I have this fear. Fear of time, fear of something that its not going to worth it. I don't know what it is. But, i'm searching that, i'm still searching. I know that God will always be there for you, no matter what, no matter you stop thinking about Him for just 1 second, He still gonna be there for you. I over thinking sometimes. Well, always! I don't really know why, but do you have this feeling that "oh my god, i can't breath, my chest hurt" cause i do.

I don't need someone to go and hug me, i just need someone that is going to support of what i'm going to do next, or in the future or anything. I have this weird attitude that i'm not well i don't know, you see, i don't even know.

Its hard to be me sometimes, because you always over thinking.

I miss my grandma, she died when i was 5 or 6, i don't remember actually. I was in the class at the kindergarten and suddenly the teacher said that my mum is here and she's going to pick me up with my brother because my grandma got in to the hospital. At first, i thought that she's going to be fine. She got in for a coma, she had cancer if i'm not mistaken. The guard won't let children in so i have to stay outside with my uncle. I remember, i brought my make up kit in the hospital, well, i was girly back then, but i had a great time.

I still remember, when my parents got mad at me at night, i ran to my grandma and sleep with her, she was like the best grandma ever, she was there for me. I still remember when i got back from my kindergarten, she cooked some of her delicious dish. At that time, when my grandma was around, i never felt scared. I feel awesome! She always protected me.

And when she died, yeah of course i cried. It feels like, i lost one part of me. I missed her, she was like a mum to me.

I still remember her face. Remember when she died, remember when she laughed, she prayed, she watched tv, she wore hijab, she walked, everything.

Thank you for being the best grandma ever, wan. I love you and i miss you so much.


No comments: